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Tue - December 2, 2003

Conversation between Brigitte and Dan, the Lab Tech


Well, I guess Dan wasn't supposed to send me this.

Note to self: perhaps we'd have less problems if Clon-Aid employees were actually CLONING and not IM-ing all day.

baby_maker_brigitte (7:54:18 PM): how did the cryro-spinning go
baby_maker_brigitte (7:54:20 PM): ?
dr-life (7:54:27 PM): euh...pas bien
baby_maker_brigitte (7:54:34 PM): et pourquoi?
dr-life (7:54:40 PM): bad batch of cells
baby_maker_brigitte (7:54:43 PM): really?
baby_maker_brigitte (7:54:52 PM): who were they from
dr-life (7:54:59 PM): 28-02
baby_maker_brigitte (7:55:02 PM): hm
dr-life (7:55:24 PM): ?
baby_maker_brigitte (7:55:34 PM): well, i was just thinking
baby_maker_brigitte (7:55:43 PM): maybe they were extracted wrong
dr-life (7:55:50 PM): dont you mean incorrectly
baby_maker_brigitte (7:56:01 PM): WHO HAS THE PHD AROUND HERE, HUH?
dr-life (7:56:12 PM): Its incorrectly.
baby_maker_brigitte (7:56:31 PM): While we are on the subject of grammar, it's should have an apostrophe.
dr-life (7:57:19 PM): Who do you think you are, anyway?
baby_maker_brigitte (7:57:28 PM): Heh...well, I'm making life
baby_maker_brigitte (7:57:29 PM): so
baby_maker_brigitte (7:57:33 PM): I must be God.
dr-life (7:57:40 PM): *scoff*
dr-life (7:57:43 PM): and she's pissed
baby_maker_brigitte (7:57:51 PM): But don't tell Rael I said that
dr-life (7:57:54 PM): ?
baby_maker_brigitte (7:58:12 PM): he doesn't like me encroaching on his teritoryy
dr-life (7:58:14 PM): huh?
baby_maker_brigitte (7:58:19 PM): he likes to take the title of god
dr-life (7:58:23 PM): oh, i won't say a word
baby_maker_brigitte (7:58:25 PM): good
baby_maker_brigitte (7:58:27 PM): otherwise
baby_maker_brigitte (7:58:34 PM): it might end up on that foolish website of his

Posted at 08:02     Read More  


Sun - November 30, 2003

Conversation with Brigitte



baby_maker_brigitte (11:16:05 AM): we have a problem
RAELity_of_cloning (11:16:08 AM): yeah?
baby_maker_brigitte (11:16:15 AM): well...
baby_maker_brigitte (11:16:21 AM): let's just say the feds are coming
RAELity_of_cloning (11:16:24 AM): !
RAELity_of_cloning (11:16:29 AM): r u kidding?
baby_maker_brigitte (11:16:35 AM): i wish i was...
baby_maker_brigitte (11:17:26 AM): they called and wanted to "inspect" our lab
RAELity_of_cloning (11:17:34 AM): that's what they said LAST TIME
RAELity_of_cloning (11:17:50 AM): when they shut us down
baby_maker_brigitte (11:18:02 AM): I'm not pleased.
baby_maker_brigitte (11:18:12 AM): somebody must have leaked the location
RAELity_of_cloning (11:18:27 AM): huh?
baby_maker_brigitte (11:18:34 AM): they are coming to the KY lab
RAELity_of_cloning (11:20:00 AM): we make KY jelly
RAELity_of_cloning (11:20:01 AM): ?
baby_maker_brigitte (11:20:08 AM): no dumbass
baby_maker_brigitte (11:20:12 AM): the KENTUCKY lab
RAELity_of_cloning (11:20:30 AM): oh, becuase I need to buy some

Posted at 11:23     Read More  


Sat - November 29, 2003

International Tour


Sorry I've been away so long, I just got back from my trip to Europe. I went to protest the Bush visit, and to look into starting Euro UFO Land, which should be more successful than Euro Disney. Well, here's a snap form my protest time:



Okay, I have to go fire my secretary. She lost the order form for the cellular plasma again.

Posted at 01:25     Read More  


Wed - November 12, 2003

Fish Farts = Alien Language?


Everyone who's anyone should by now know that fish farts may be a form of communication. (Read about this ) Since we all know that the Elohim started life on Earth, I think we may have the very primitive form of communication with which the Elohim want to communicate. I've scheduled a trip next month to the University of Vancouver, British Columbia, where I may speak to Mr. Wilson regarding what the next step will be between fish-language and human-language. I know I'm working on a hunch here, but fish being one of the primitive animals to communicate suggests that they hold the key to understanding inter-planetary, and indeed, inter-galactic communication.

I've also got a plan in the works (meaning just a few days from development) on a fish that can talk. I don't think it will be hard to re-route the nerves which trigger the fish to emit the air so they trigger vocal cords instead. I think this is a pretty basic, in house type procedure. Ultimately, it might be great to have fish that we can just carry with us – or even stick in our ears! – that will translate for us. I think it will be only appropriate to call them "tower fish" since we call know that it was the Elohim who helped build such awesome structures as the Tower of Babel and the Pyramids.

Okay, well, we have a meeting scheduled at mid-night, and I can't seem to find my large gold medallion. Brigitte will really flip out if I don't have it. She's always going on about how I'm never responsible enough. If only she could understand that her role in this whole outfit is purely scientific.

Posted at 10:40     Read More  


Sun - November 9, 2003

Eclispe disappointment


I had prepared quite a nice welcoming party for the Elohim, thinking they would really enjoy some Kool-Aid and finger sandwiches after what had to have been a long flight. We're talking like five earth years to get here. I would certainly have a leg cramp. Anyway, I put out a nice little "Welcome to Earth" banquet (it wasn't much really) with my sandwiches and Brigitte's veggie platter with ranch dip. I had expected them around 5 or so, and had prepared accordingly. It was only Brigitte, the UFOland winter staff (just the security guard), our surrogate mother and myself waiting. I feared too large a party would scare the Elohim, they really don't like "making waves" so to speak.

The eclipse came and went and we had no visitors. Really quite disappointing. We did manage, however, to use the telescope (I put a new telescope in UFOland's budget last year, but the board of directors failed to approve it) and we managed to catch a glimpse of the message the Elohim left on the moon. It read:

"We prefer dill."

Apparently Brigitte needs to make different dip next time. I would swear a chemist should be able to plan a decent star gazing (or in this case, moon gazing) party. Next time I bring Moon PIes!

This resulting in a huge waste of Kool-Aid. Nobody wants 15 gallons of Galactic Green Grape Kool-Aid, do they? It's in the cooler where we keep the embryos, stop by the lab and pick it up if you want it.

I couldn't get the coffee out of my robe, so I called Colgate-Palmolive (the number was on the FAB package) and they denied any association with cults and promptly hung up. Note to self: don't buy FAB again. Whites just aren't staying white. I must say that whatever doubt I had about my choice of white for robe color has dissipated faster than the speed of light when I realized that I no longer have to sort out whites and darks before doing wash. In a word, choosing white was a stroke of genius.

Posted at 10:20     Read More  


Sat - November 8, 2003

Saturday Struggles


I have a busy Saturday ahead of me. It all started when Glen from security at UFOland called. They had a sighting of a UFO last night, and the Elohim left a message that they would be landing for a brief visit during the eclipse. So now we've got to prepare a landing party for them. I contacted the CTA and CSA, but neither believed me that the Elohim will be stopping by. This only emphasizes the need for an extra-terrestrial embassy. So much worship to monotheistic religions has lead to competition and fear between countries that we are ready to annihilate the world.

Which brings me to the other problem. We were set to break ground on the embassy in 2005, but there is major dispute between the architects. I'm thinking I need to fire the team we have now, hire Frank Gehry (who won't work for the promise of eternal life?) then we can get our embassy into all the major newspapers, like that Disney Concert hall. Plus, I think the wavy metal look will be sharp on the Kansas skyline.

I spilled coffee on my white robe this morning, so I'm going to have to get some bleach. I'm thinking that white robes were the wrong choice for this cult, because I spend half of my time washing them. Maybe we'll switch to black. No, a little too Heaven's Gate-ish. Oh, and I need to write a letter to Nike to see if we can get money for wearing Nikes when we finally meet the Elohim.

Okay, I have to go make up some punch and finger sandwiches for the Elohim when they land for the eclipse. The eclipse starts at 23:32 Universal Time. And don't think that the palindrome time is coincidence – the Elohim are always at work!

Posted at 09:13     Read More  


Fri - November 7, 2003

Conversation with Brigitte


baby_maker_brigitte: oh man
baby_maker_brigitte: you wont believe this
RAELity_of_cloning: brb
baby_maker_brigitte: ??
RAELity_of_cloning: back
baby_maker_brigitte: baby number four isn't doing well
RAELity_of_cloning: ??
baby_maker_brigitte: yeah, shes developed an irregular heart beat
baby_maker_brigitte: the doctors say that there may be a problem with the genetic transfr
baby_maker_brigitte: *transfer
RAELity_of_cloning: oh
baby_maker_brigitte: so...
RAELity_of_cloning: who transfered that dna
RAELity_of_cloning: ?
baby_maker_brigitte: lemme check
RAELity_of_cloning: k
baby_maker_brigitte: plans for this weekend?
RAELity_of_cloning: close encounters of the third kind marathon
RAELity_of_cloning: at jims
RAELity_of_cloning: u goin
RAELity_of_cloning: ?
baby_maker_brigitte: dunno
baby_maker_brigitte: it just doesn't seem to real to me
baby_maker_brigitte: i mean, the size of the craft was WAY too small
baby_maker_brigitte: there is no way you could travel across several light years
baby_maker_brigitte: on a craft that size
RAELity_of_cloning: i know
RAELity_of_cloning: but it's good flick
baby_maker_brigitte: found it
baby_maker_brigitte: it was Gerald
baby_maker_brigitte: he also spun the dna of baby five in the cryrofuser
RAELity_of_cloning: oh
RAELity_of_cloning: and that was the baby that...
baby_maker_brigitte: yeah
RAELity_of_cloning: okay, see you at jims
baby_maker_brigitte: i take it gerald isn't invited
RAELity_of_cloning: um
RAELity_of_cloning: no
baby_maker_brigitte: bye
RAELity_of_cloning: bye
RAELity_of_cloning: and Elohim bless

Posted at 07:36     Read More  

Thank ELOHIM!


The Korean government has ended it's probe into our science, thank Elohim. Seriously, I can't see why these people must meddle in our affairs; we are creating eternal life so all may enjoy a world when Elohim returns. But for whatever reason, these incompetent bureaucrats think that we are going something wrong! It's only human life, we're are dealing with, not like state secrets or the coke formula. They really messed up our crygentron-diffuser, though; I guess I'll just have to hold a call-in to raise the funds for another.

Meanwhile, with the first few humans already cloned, we need to find a new "subject" if you will to be cloned for eternity. I'm thinking we should mate Warren Buffet and Gail Zappa. I'm not sure why, but I think that might be the best combination of people to inhabit the new Earth after the arrival of Elohim.

Okay, well, Brigitte's on the phone, something about needing some new embryonic cell plasma. Elohim, I hope they didn't lose some while fleeing the Kentucky lab. Oh shit, I wasn't supposed to mention that lab. Better go before they fire me from my cult.

Posted at 06:34     Read More  


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